I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
