stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize