So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize