You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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