I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
