So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
