so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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