OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
