Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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