Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
