If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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