Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
