No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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