How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
