Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
