You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
