just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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