She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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