tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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