shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
