Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
