i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
