Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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