haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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