If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
