And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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