this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize