Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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