I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
