My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize