This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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