i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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