We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
