I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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