its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
