Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
