I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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