If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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