what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
