And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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