She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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