I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
