omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
