my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The air was thick with penises
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize