just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
