How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
