You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry about my life...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
