I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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