But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
