so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
