If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
