I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
