I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
