Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
