if only i could text you this smell
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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