I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
