the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
