I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
